I dated a narcissist for three months, and one thing he was always interested in was to gain unlimited success and power. Money, fame..whatever he could get. He would do anything to get these unattainable through lies and deceptions.
He lived in fantasies. He was never genuine and presented his false self. Why did he do that? I sometimes wonder why he was so aggressive with pursuing these things that didn’t really matter. Maybe he was feeling deep emptiness, lonely and miserable.
He wanted to feel special desperately.
I think many of us fantasize..and have this magical thinking..”what if I had millions of dollars..” “what if I had a perfect relationship..?” But healthy people know what is real and what is not.
My ex was all about grandiose fantasies.
As for borderline personality, I don’t think many of us with traits think that much about perfect self..it’s more about having a perfect partner who is attractive, exciting and fill our void. Everyday is like scenes from the bachelor’s. These aren’t real.
Many people with BPD fantasize love at first sight. It’s romantic and I do want to believe in that but in reality, that is not healthy and it rarely works. Because love takes time and only trust that is built over time will help us build a successful relationship.
This is why people with BPD are often disappointed as soon as they see their date’s true colors, quickly devalues them and get furious.
It’s the magical thinking that get people with BPD or NPD or both or traits hooked on these fantasies because magical thinking eases our deep emotional pain and emptiness.