You are worthy for who you are and it doesn’t matter if you have “accomplished” something. Just being YOU is an accomplishment!
I used to seek outside validations to fill the void and some people made me feel really good about myself but it was only temporary. Growing up with my borderline mother, it was really important for me not to piss her off (scary!) and I wanted her to be proud of me. She didn’t seem to be happy with me unless I make her happy or proud of me. So naturally I wanted her to say, “I am so lucky to have you!”
She had her ups and downs. Now it is so much better now that she is in her 60s. But when I was still a kid, her emotional swings were much more intense and it was pretty terrifying. Anyways, I think this is where my attention seeking behavior started. I think I’ve made a lot of decisions for myself and I was thinking that I was choosing to do that FOR MYSELF because I wanted to but deep down at some level, it was to gain some type of acknowledgement, admiration and most importantly approval. My mom often told me that I had to work extra hard to prove to other people that I was just like other Japanese people or even better! because of my mixed heritage.
I will never say that to my own child. Instead, I would say to my kid, “I will support your decision and make sure that that’s what you want..I am so proud of you and feel lucky to have you..it’s you!” I would want to make my child feel like she is worthy for being who she is and there is no need for her to try to gain my approval because she already has my approval since the day she was born.
And I think it should be the same for everybody else. Like a cute puppy, all of us are valuable for being alive and being here. We are inherently valuable and we don’t need to achieve and accomplish to feel good about ourselves. But the thing is that my insecurities have made me work really hard to get to where I am today..so it wasn’t such a bad thing but again I have to say it’s all about balance. We want to achieve something meaningful, become a contribution citizen of the world and do something good for ourselves and other people. But it’s not because we feel bad about ourselves and need to gain external validations but because that is a rewarding experience and that makes us feel real good.