I am here with my parents in Japan..the last time I saw them was in 2011 so it’s been three years. I imagine that there is a wall that protects me physically and emotionally. “What are you going to do? You have to think about your future..if you are not going to have a child, there will be nobody to take care of you..when you are in 80s.”
Ok mom,, really? ..I am 34 years old now and that’s 40 plus years ahead and I really don’t want to ruin this precious moment worrying what is going to happen to me fifty years from today.
It is very sad that my mom is still focusing on the negative when her daughter is back from America after not seeing her for three years. I understand her concern but I really don’t want to have a child because I am worried about my future. It isn’t really the right reason to have a child. Unfortunately that might be why she had us in the first place and sure I will be there to at least visit her and my mom and provide them financial support if needed but I really don’t want to follow her footstep.
So I imagine that there is a transparent wall in front of me..that protects me from her harsh words..her words can no longer affect me because her words bounce back and it won’t get to me because of the wall.
Unfortunately it is easier for me to lower expectations than taking things so personally because of the way she treats me. My mom is just being my mom..as she has always been and she is not going to change. But I can change how I react to her usual negative harsh words and just ignore her words. I decided to just be beyond that and to enjoy spending time with my parents even though it is very difficult. They are getting older and are now in their 60s. I don’t want to be negative and Japanese people are known to live till their late 80s but it really doesn’t matter since I live so far away from them. So I just told her..”Sure. I will keep that in mind but I still enjoy having my own independence and not be preoccupied with the idea of having a child because I am worried that nobody will take care of me in my future” That is just ridiculous!
Again there is a thick plastic wall between us and I am an adult so she can no longer affect me by saying all these harsh words. And I even give her the benefit of the doubt that it might be because she truly believes in her words..
I am glad that I am not the only daughter! I have three younger sisters who can physically visit my parents more often even though they all left their home..