I’ve always struggled with losing people who matter to me. Sometimes it made me feel terrified to lose people who weren’t that close to me. At the bottom line, I am insecure and pretty lonely. I had dark times when I dated this handsome guy and that relationship triggered my fear and all these raw feelings that I used to feel as a child.
It was interesting that I was still having the same problem. I left my childhood home, left my mother who was the primary source of my issue and moved to California. Then I guess my inner child has always been there and subconsciously I recreated the same situations that are similar to my childhood.
After I kind of recreated that unstable situation by choosing to stay with an abusive boyfriend, I tried everything to avoid being abandoned or dumped, which might be more appropriate among adult relationships. It was so important that he says he loves and cares about me. That’s how I assured that inner child that she is going to be safe.
I didn’t want to experience the pain of feeling rejected and abandoned. So I always tried to break up with whoever I was dating first. Even then, it hurt like hell..
I latched on to my boyfriend tightly so as he won”t leave me…..But the problem wasn’t my boyfriend. He didn’t matter because I would have that the same thing to another one by clinging and being controlling..
It’s all because of my fear of abandonment…