I am just learning the importance of setting limits even more nowadays. My friend is going through divorce now and I understand it is hard. Out of kindness, I have agreed to babysit her kids occasionally and now it’s becoming even more frequent. Then I start to have this resentment toward her..and it is really not healthy for me to continue to go out of my way to help her because I don’t really feel that our friendship is mutually exclusive and it seems like our friendship is one way. She often talks about her insensitive sisters who don’t even care about my friend going through divorce and the fact that she has been emotionally drained and depressed. I don’t think it is my job to pick her up and let her contact me only when she needs something. I was ok six months ago but nowadays..especially learning that she has been going out with a younger guy..like a teenager and I am happy for him but then why can’t she ask her “boyfriend” to help? I have been struggling with my own issues with family and relationships but she doesn’t really seem to be all that interested in hearing my story so that makes it even more comfortable for me to do anything for her out of kindness at this point. I was talking to my therapist but it is important to se some limits in the beginning when people start asking you for favors because usually users continue to look for caretakers who are convenient for them and used caretakers often end up feeling resentful toward the user. Even though they chose to help the user, it is still irritating when I need something, she is not there or say insensitive thing.
Setting boundaries and limits is really important in life because regardless of your job, your family, we all have to take care of ourselves and nobody is really just there to help someone unconditionally because he’s got too much time. Instead of getting angry, I am telling myself “This is a good opportunity for me to be more assertive and just set the record straight. I am busy and kind of overwhelmed with work at the moment. I need to set my limits and boundaries from my friends.”