Tuesday, July 26, 2011

constant job changes

I have worked for so many different companies...I've worked at a bar, as a tutor, an office assistant, student advising while dreaming about website development, becoming my own boss and a therapist. I just can't seem to make up my mind. I am not quite sure what I really want to do. For the past 10 years or so, I had struggled to make ends meet..and I think we all go through this stage of realization after graduating from college. When I was in college, I was into social service and psychologist and had not doubt about pursuing a career in a social service agency. But then the reality hit really hard, and I was consumed with bills and put so much energy trying to make a living. But it was difficult for me to stay at one job because of coworkers and bosses. I felt like they were out to get me, and I was convinced that they were criticizing me. But after seeing my counselor/coach for five years, finally I landed on this office job at the university, and for the first time in life, I have held the same job for over 3 years. But now I feel like I want more than just making ends meet. I am not learning so much, and feel like this isn't the line of the job that I want to do after all. And all these jobs taught me what I wasn't good at or what I am not interested in..and I did learn new things at every job, so I wouldn't say that it has been a complete waste of time. Especially at my current job, I have spent sometimes learning about grants, finance and designing websites. But something is missing in this office job, and I still want to pursue a career in social services even if I am not going to move up the ladder in a corporate system making decent amount of money. After all, if we aren't interested in what we do for living, it becomes really hard to keep up a good job and the worst of all, the job starts to kill our hearts and souls. If I have children, it wouldn't be about me anymore, so I don't even dare to think about pursuing a different career in this economy.

But I found this interesting job about people with Borderline Personality Disorder not being able to hold a stable position. My little sister clearly suffers from traits of this mental disorder, and she is currently unemployed after hopping from one job to another for the past 10 years. She was an office worker then suddenly made up her mind that she wanted to be an Engineer..and of course it didn't work out because it wasn't meant to be. then started to work at a post office doing customer service and sorting mail..after 3 months, didn't work, and now she is interested in becoming a graphic designer. She has been attending a class, so I guess it is a good thing, but she has never been able to sustain her interest long enough to hold one job, and her reason to quit her job has always been her boss and colleagues making her feel bad. She finds that intolerable, and even the slightest criticism makes her feel like she has to leave the job. And I have the same problem. lol

We have to make a living, so working is different from going to school. We are getting paid in exchange of our time and labor, so we have to keep up with a good work consistently in order to hold a job, and we have to make a living. Unfortunately everywhere we go, we are always going to encounter annoying people and difficult bosses. So my job isn't that bad in that aspect. But for the first time in life, I am starting to feel like I want to pursue a career which is fulfilling because it means so much to me. I would probably make more decent income working at my current job doing financial management, but sitting in front of computer looking at numbers and doing secretarial work are draining, and I feel like I am paying a huge price in exchange of money. I guess it is a good thing. In my 20s, it was all about making a living, and I have been choosing job based on what I can do and how much I am going to get paid, but now I am finally starting value my time and wanting to finding my own interests.

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